All Alone
by Acqua Sole
Summary: A dead father apologises to his living child. Azurrin Week day 7: story.


I don't want to sound too full of myself, but writing this legitimately made me cry. There's so much angst - or at least the potential for it - in these games. And I'm still bitter that all of these parents keep getting fridged, and their children are left alone.

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Dragons do not get to live happily ever after when they have been vanquished.

But you, my child...you have proven to be a most wondrous exception.

I cannot remember a time where dragons have not gone mad. In other worlds that I have been able to peer into – Moro's power is great like that – some had chosen to ascend to the heavens and live out the rest of their lives away from the green earth, safe from the world's impurities, while those who chose to stay eventually succumbed to our hateful instincts. I found it laughable that so many would leave, that they called the remainder selfish. How could we be any selfish? Choosing to stay to watch over the land and the peoples that depended on us, that confided in us, that cared for us...if that was not selflessness and love, then what was? And so we laughed in return, oh how we laughed at those foolish dragons, for leaving behind their duties to become gods in the sky, to become distant, unreachable beings who rarely answered the desperate pleas from below.

But that was before we grew to resent each other. And soon, our resentment turned to quarrelling, our quarreling turned to war, and the war only accelerated the pace of the madness.

Byakko was the first to die. With her death came the death of the Earth Tribe, and their land grew fallow and rotted soon after. Genbu chose to kill himself rather than allow the madness to take him, but the Ice Tribe, bless their courage, offered to sacrifice him themselves and stay by his side until the last of his life had bled out. The tribe leader, Kilma, was the one chosen to wield the sword – I remember having heard that a descendant of hers shares her name — and Genbu's duties were passed onto the Ice Dragon.

And so I watched my brethren as they dropped like flies around me. Anya and Byakuya's deaths hit the hardest, despite me being their killer.

I had to, my child. I had to, for if not, they would have taken Valla from me.

I was so afraid of what I had seen, I was terrified that I too would become a savage, mindless beast, and I would hurt the people I loved. I'm sure Azura has told you the story of how the song came to be. That the king sought me out, dried my tears, and assured me that the madness would not take my mind.

It was not enough.

How I hated myself after the forest's destruction. How my people hated me...how they feared me!

And despite the succession of kings and queens who came to visit, who sang to me and who tried to comfort me, it was all in vain. I had taken so much of it to heart, but whether that was all the madness' doing or because I had truly become so bitter by that time, I know not. But what was abundantly clear was how I resolved to cast away my kindness and my love, and become a tyrant so that the people who used to cherish me would feel the full brunt of the pain and suffering in my heart.

But my heart missed love. It missed kindness and joy. Many times, I found myself wishing to cast off this burden that is immortality, to shed my scales and become a man so that I too could walk amongst my people and live in the sun.

I thought that separating it from my body would relieve the pain. And it found your mother, child. Oh, how radiant was Mikoto from the moment my human half laid eyes on her. She was not shy nor coquettish, but so very very clever and kind and full of warmth. And when we had you, my darling, I could pretend that all my past hardship was but a dream.

Seeing Valla burn was one of my worst memories; I could never forget the screaming, the charred flesh, the knowledge that what had taken decades, and sometimes even centuries to build, could be felled so easily by my hand. It broke my heart, to see how low I had fallen. It broke my heart to see Shenmei take Azura and run, and it broke even further to see Mikoto do the same with you.

I should have known that you two would have found each other, in the end. The two sisters never did stop trying to reunite with one another, not even Shenmei's - now called Arete when she made her new home in Nohr - death daunted her in her search for her missing niece.

Seeing you two angered me, and this admission is not one I am proud of, nor is it one that will ever leave me, even in death. I held such hatred for myself, for Valla, for Mikoto and Shenmei and Azura and – you. For having a loving family that I did not, for having a family that even fought over you! And with Azura – with Azura it was worse. From the moment you first laid eyes on her, I knew that she would come to play an enormous role in your life. She held the key to your origins, it was only natural that you'd be drawn to her. The mystery of Valla's curse only served to tempt you closer. And so she did, with her charm, with her beauty, with her kindness and with her undying support for you.

You two had what I hoped I could have with Mikoto. I would catch myself thinking that I hoped that your blood – my blood — would fester within and turn you into a monster, like my madness did me. So that you would lose your dancer, and with her, your chance at happiness.

So when I sent Sumeragi under the guise of a Faceless that day, it was almost as though I had decided to be indulgent and spoil myself with two presents: punishing Mikoto for remarrying a man who gazed at her with a love that I thought only _I_ had for her, and punishing you for reuniting with the first family that raised you with love, and for the love that was blossoming between you and your dancer. How I relished the first time you transformed! It was as though I was able to watch my former comrades again, revelling in the anger and the grief that coursed through your veins as it did mine. Yet Azura was unafraid. She approached you with such determination in her heart that I was left seething when you did not kill her on the spot.

It hurt me to see that her love had procured a dragonstone for you to control your – _my_ – blood better. Worse that it was a remnant of the one your ancestors tried to gift me with. It turned out to be useless, of course.

So in one timeline, I steered you in the direction of Ryōma and Takumi's deaths. In another, Marx and Elise. It was all too easy to possess Garon in whatever world we inhabited, for his pain and resentment over his dead children and wives and the barrenness of his kingdom was almost great enough to match mine. And despite the heartache, the wounds, and the tragedy that you suffered, somehow, you always persevered, with Azura by your side offering you nothing but her unconditional support.

Seeing her dissolve into water each time pleased me, for what hurt you brought me joy. There would be no happy ending for you both there.

Until you somehow broke the cycle. Until Azura, clever Azura, smartened up and offered you a choice: to not join either of your families, and to investigate the source of your world's discord. Together.

It was so laughably impossible that I gave you two far too much leeway. I am ashamed to admit that I had no confidence in your abilities at that point, for I had seen you fail over and over so often that I could not fathom my defeat. I had grown fat on your pain, I had grown complacent. And then, you experienced your Awakening, your Revelation. In that timeline, my human half had survived long enough to send three foreigners from an Outrealm in search of our children. You had met Lilith by then, hadn't you? She was always so happy to have spent time with you. And in the timelines that she died, Moro would give her some final moments as a human, and my draconic comrade would look at me with such _disgust_.

Dying was a relief, in retrospect. No more cycling through such hate and sorrow over and over again. No more putting countless innocents through such carnage and conflict. It was the foundation for a bright future. And I got to see you: grown and strong, with such a confident stride. And Azura, so powerful and beautiful. Seeing you two, filled with such love for Nohr, for Hoshido, for each other, was what filled me with peace.

I may not have been able to tell you everything that I wanted to, my child. I may not have been the one to help you take your steps in life, as I will always be alone now. But you have Azura.

And now, your children have you both, and their happily ever after.

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This marks the end of this year's Azurrin Week! To everyone who left me a review on my fics, I cannot thank you hard enough. Your support, and our shared love for this pairing, have helped me find the strength and inspiration to write. So thank you, everyone, and I hope you stick around long enough for next year's week!


End file.
